


love goeth before dawn (dead, wrong)

by enkiduu



Series: The Burr Interlude [2]
Category: Hamilton - Miranda
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, F/M, M/M, Welcome folks to the Burr Interlude, and Hamilton lives, where he gets to die for once
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-05
Updated: 2016-07-05
Packaged: 2018-07-21 15:18:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,527
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7392796
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/enkiduu/pseuds/enkiduu
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Hamilton survives the duel. Burr doesn’t.</p>
            </blockquote>





	love goeth before dawn (dead, wrong)

**Author's Note:**

  * For [videogamedoc87](https://archiveofourown.org/users/videogamedoc87/gifts).



> I’ve been wanting to write a Hamilton-shoots-Burr fic for a loooong time. Who hasn’t, really? Anyway, I thought this'd be a perfect birthday gift to Chels, whose birthday is on July 11. _Duel day._ So, naturally, that motivated me to write angsty duel fic!

Alexander’s not lying when he tells Aaron, “I don’t want to fight.”

There is so much reason for reserve. It pains him to think that Aaron’s throwing away his for this duel.

Why is it that they’ve come to this? Are they not better men who once dreamed of a brave new world? Did they not whisper promises of fighting together, seeing the war to an end?

He didn’t realize they were fighting against each other, only one of them doomed to see the other lose. He didn't realize this is the ending of their story.

It can’t be Alexander who loses. He will not, cannot throw away his shot, not after he’s gotten so far. 

He has no intention of shooting to kill, but he doesn't know if Aaron does. After decades, Alexander doesn't think they know each other at all anymore. There was more understanding on the day they met than today.

They used to know each other so well. Now, they can only agree to disagree, as fools do.

Alexander has to reread the letter several times under candlelight to ascertain the meaning of the words. Succinct, as Aaron always has been, and persuasive in regards to an act that Alexander loathes: dueling. There is so much futility in a duel. Aaron is dead wrong.

To live a life so long, then to throw it all away for the sake of legacy...

 _Weehawken_. _Dawn._

The candle is too bright and not enough, all at once, as Alexander’s vision swims before him in a wave of pain.

Alexander shuts his eyes in sudden recollection. He runs a hand through his hair, heaving out a heavy sigh. It’s an old ache, one he cannot shake off.

To live a life not long enough, then to throw it all away for the sake of legacy…

What is a legacy? Is it worth it? Worth the pain and suffering of those who love you? Are the lush grass and flourishing fig trees worth it, if you never get to share the joy with those you love?

“Alexander,” Eliza says, breaking him out of his thoughts. “Come back to sleep.”

“I have an early meeting out of town,” Alexander says quietly.

“It’s still dark outside.”

It’s always dark. The sun (his son, his _son_ ) has not risen up for many a year.

“I know,” he says. “I just need to write something down.”

_Guns. Drawn._

He needs to tell the world about his impending duel with Aaron Burr. He needs to explain why this will happen. 

“Why do you write like you’re running out of time?” Eliza asks. It’s an innocent question, long filled with exasperation and resignation. And love. She's looking at him with such _—_ _such Love_. 

Alexander hushes her, cannot bear to hear those familiar words again, and not in such a loving tone, too.

Aaron said it, once. Aaron beckoned him to slow down, to wait, to learn some restraint. That’s how it’s always been, until Aaron started to stray from what is right just so he might obtain glory from what is left. How can he do that? Why must he force Alexander's hand, make him stop Aaron so he won't become even more of a political monster?

How can he do this to Alexander?

_Why, Aaron?_

They know why.

The last stand, the last fall...This is what everything they've had, they've done, they've  _not_ said culminates in. They both know why it _shouldn't_ , but will happen regardless. It's how it's always been. From the first tumble, the first kiss, the first fight. 

( _"Alexander, we shouldn't," Aaron says, sounding pained and wrecked, but he doesn't push Alexander away when he leans forward to capture Aaron's lips. He doesn't push Alexander away when he gets down on his knees and swallows Aaron down._ )

Anger coils inside Alexander unpleasantly with the bitterness of betrayal. It doesn’t wane so much as be overwhelmed by subsequent heartbreak that makes him weary, so torn. He's indecisive, as he has never been before. He wants to back out, apologize. Make things right. 

He doesn't want to lose Aaron, too. He’s lost so much, too much. 

“Come back to bed. That would be enough,” Eliza says, and so has she. She's endured heartbreak after heartbreak, and yet still here she stands, by Alexander's side. 

Alexander has not been able to give Eliza much. He’s not done much right by her, never has. He only has himself to give, and yet Eliza still thinks him enough. What has Alexander done to deserve her? How can he be enough?

He smiles past tears that he cannot shed and takes her hand gently.

Alexander’s not lying when he tells Eliza, “I’ll be back before you know I’m gone.”

***

Is this where love gets them? On their feet, several feet apart from each other? So close, but farther from each other as they've ever been. 

It occurs to Alexander that maybe they’ve never known each other at all. But they fell in love anyway, as fools do. 

Is this the end of them? Fear grips Alexander. He opens his mouth but Aaron's gaze shuts him up.

His eyes are intense and dark and he's looking at Alexander with _such_ —

"Present," Alexander says.

There is quiet, for just a moment. A yellow sky. He raises his pistol, and Aaron does too. They shouldn't. They do. 

The world ends with two bangs and a whimper. 

After comes the deluge.

***

Alexander drowns.

(But he still can't seem to die.)

***

To take someone’s life is something you can’t shake. To take the life of someone you once held dear, still love, could never let go—Alexander can’t ever go back to before. The world has changed. He’s committed the act that he loathes.

He imagines Theodosia, Aaron’s wife. For a moment, he envies her. She doesn’t need to bear the weight of Aaron's death.

"No one knows who he is," someone tells him. "No one remembers what he's done. No one will mourn him."

"That's not true," Alexander hisses in reply, but no one hears him. Jefferson and Madison make sure no one ever will. They bury him under his own doing, twist his words, and make Burr into a sort of martyr for Democratic-Republican causes.

Mostly, it's just to beat the dead horse that is Alexander's career. No one hears, but Alexander doesn't stop writing. He can't stop writing or fighting for what's right, it's the only thing he has left. He can't. 

Alexander writes about the past and people who have passed. For all his life, he's worked for his own legacy; now, he must tell the other people's stories. 

He doesn’t need to imagine Theo, Aaron’s daughter. When they cross paths, she doesn't yell at him as he expected. She doesn't cry, either. 

"Mr Hamilton, Sir," she says, approaching him much like the way Alexander had walked up to Aaron once upon a time. "I read what you write about my father."

"I would've much preferred the yelling."

Theo smiles, a sad and knowing smile like she knows exactly what he means. She's not lying when she tells him, "I don't believe my father died hating you." 

"I know," Alexander says, voice cracking. It shouldn't. It's been many a year since the dawn in Weehawken. 

Theo doesn't look like she believes him, but she nods anyway.

They talk of the impending war that hangs over America, reminisce of happy moments shared with Aaron. She tells him of the way he used to sing to her every night. He tells him about how they used to debate courts every morning. They speak of the man no one else knows, no one else remembers, no one else mourns. But his smile they will never forget. 

(The problem has never been hate. It's never been hate.)

Once, Theo tells him of the time Aaron was shot by an idiot soldier back during the war.

"Yes. I remember. I went to visit him. The idiot shouldn't have shot at him," he says tersely. 

"Did he tell you how he forgave the soldier and had him go back to living?" she asks.

Words don't reach Alexander for a long time. He finally answers, "I know." 

Theo sighs.

"We'll tell his story together after you return from South Carolina," he says, manages something almost like a smile (can you imagine?). 

"After the war's over," Theo agrees. 

Together, Alexander and Eliza and Theo will their story, all of theirs, in hopes that the future will remember them as more than just names in a history book.

Aaron's dead, and it's all so wrong. Alexander hopes that perhaps they'll think of Aaron and Alexander as more than just enemies, fools who shot at each other (that's all they are).  

Perhaps by writing, Alexander will someday be able to think of himself more than the fool who shot Aaron dead (that's all he is). 

***

_(Alexander's not lying when he tells him, "I love you," and Aaron's not lying when he answers, "I know, Alexander. I know," and yes, they both know what they know.)_

(They both know that it's the truth that burns the most.)

**Author's Note:**

> and once again I am so so sorry for all the sadness. 2 ways everything goes horribly wrong/798 to go. My favorite thing for this is honestly the title lol. Everything else, well. I hope you like it cuz I'm just gonna go cry now oops.
> 
> HAPPY BIRTHDAY...??
> 
> you can find me on [tumblr](kolminye.tumblr.com)


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